As a wise friend recently told me as you get older you realize more and more of your failures and insufficiencies. For us believers as we get closer to the cross of Christ we realize how much we really need His grace…This post is a lot to share online, but I still stand by my desire to be more authentic and that means sharing my sins, confessing publicly and sharing my hope in the midst of those failures.
I’ve come to realize lately that I have always adored my husband, and appreciated who he is and what he strives after. He is such a hard worker, has an amazingly creative mind, and is so patient and kind. But, even though I appreciate these things I find that I very rarely pursue to draw out and encourage his good qualities, rather I find myself constantly getting annoyed that he doesn’t think like me or that he is in yet another period of thinking too deeply about his life…the list could go on. I’ve been convicted that I do not lift my husband up. Sure, I appreciate the things he does but I don’t encourage him. I don’t pursue admiring him.
I know that sounds a little odd, and even putting into words is a bit of a challenge. But basically I’ve come to find I’m always trying to talk my husband out of being himself instead of giving him space and support, to be himself, to let him teach me something about life, and not try and fix him.
Oh the course being human we always want to fix people around us thinking their lives will be better if they just _______. But what if instead of trying to “fix” my husband’s problems, I want to justify them and shared in his struggles, shared in his thoughts instead of always tossing out an “answer.”
Last week I strived to do just that. I wanted to be with him where he was, and say its ok to feel “xyz” about this certain situation. And you know what, my husband’s true colors came out. For once in a very long – too long- I felt like I was actually being the helpmate God made me to be as his companion, and it felt so good; and he seemed to be so good too.
I want to be an admirer of my husband not a fixer. It is like rubbing sand paper on my skin to say that, but it feels so right when I am there being compassionate with him.
This verse seems so fitting for my desires. “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15
I know I will always want to give him an answer because I LOVE problem solving and he always has problems…everyone does. But I am going to strive to be a better admirer of how he is, to be thankful he thinks so deeply about his life so often and questions so much, and join him there. I want to be in the battles with him side by side not on the side tossing him weapons to end the battles.
As Emerson says — “Life is a journey, not a destination.”