Goodbye Good Girl: Healing My Inner Child

Empowerment, Self Discovery

Goodbye good girl

I want to eradicate kindness from my body…er, what, now?…you read that right.

I want to pendulum from the piece of me that was told to be good despite how much I had the urge to want

to bite

and rip

and scream.

I was only permitted those when I hit my limit as a child, the last straw, and then I felt horrifically guilty.

But I wonder how many of us have a dark rose, the rebel in us that wasn’t allowed because of:

religion,
childhood oppression,
trauma,
needing to have it together because your parents didn’t,
fill your exact flavor

I want to ask:

what if you had a safe place to let it out?

It was a Wednesday, a precious work day with all the kids finally well at school.

I have editing to do,

blogs to write,

content to make,

emails to reply to,

but instead, I bought myself 12 dark red roses.

I rolled on my living room floor in sensual movements,

trying to ask my neck, my shoulder, my jaw that has a pain stinging through me for six years

“what it is she is so angry about?”

I’ve come to listen to my body after battling chronic illnesses for 8 years…more on that in the memoir.

The pain: she’s come out to speak, and

pain asks that we go face the shadows,

I know this one. She’s holding this piece of me that wasn’t allowed to rebel and all the genuine anger no one in my family was ever allowed to express, having a good girl for a mother and a grandmother.

You see, I always followed the rules; I didn’t experiment with my sexuality when I was a teenager, never touched any substances, and never lied to my parents about anything.

I wanted so much more, but I was the good little girl, and everyone loved me for it.

I wanted to run off to New Zealand and Colorado to be a snowboard instructor year round, quit college and just go play. But then I got married at age 20 and became a photographer.

Now 15 years later, I’m not her, the good girl.

I want to strip out the times I keep asking myself to be kind for the sake of not triggering others.

However, I now surround myself with too many women who are too big now for me to play small.

So I say if my bigness if my sexuality is too much for you, you can find someplace else to dwell. However, and more importantly, I hope you stay.

Because I bet there is a piece of you that says,

“oh my god, I want that too.

I want to be the desired one.

I want to be the expressive one.

I, too, want to go play with roses on my living room floor and feel fucking sexy as hell…”

And you should; here is your permission slip. Print it out and say I can do whatever the F I want.

You are the only one stopping you.

Yes, kick the kids out with your support system; buy the roses, the rose oil, the facial spray, the bath salts, go nuts, and

play because this life is too precious to spend all our time getting it right and being the good girls.

Want to hear what else I did on this particular Wednesday? I stripped down nude and photographed myself with my roses (yes I’m sharing photos scroll down) after I rolled around my living room floor and screamed, ragging because my body was still holding too much of the anger.

If this good ole good girl, known for her smile to light up a room, getting straight A’s, and succeeding at anything I touch, can be this wild, you can too, darling, you can.

Are you ready to explore the inner child rebel?

And if you’re ready to explore the rebel in you with a somatic movement class, made to hold you safely, with others prepared to release, join me inside Your Body As Poetry. We weekly explore different archetypes with somatic movement and time to create (bring your pen, paints, spreadsheets, whatever lights you up.)

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Pratice this classes I’ve created to help you heal your inner child:

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Here’s how I let that rebel out.

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About the Author

Hey, I’m Lumalia, the main voice behind Celebrate Again. I call myself a connection architect because I have a deep passion for guiding us all to fall back in love with life through states of beauty, but many of us are far from feeling at home in our own bodies, so we seek to find safety in others.

Yikes, that’s scary, I know; I did that for three decades, too, until I returned home to myself.

I’m so excited to share with you all I’ve learned and this beautiful journey back home to what makes you absolutely stunning just because you are alive today.