The Sister Wound & Why You Need to Go to A Women’s Retreat

Empowerment, Retreats, Self Care, Self Discovery, Self Improvement, Self Love, Wellness

The sister wound and sisterhood wound is feeling wounded by a fellow woman whom you once held as close as you would a biological sister, or a general mistrust and judgment of women. Maybe you’re aware of your sister-wound, or perhaps you find yourself generally straying away from gatherings of women or women in general, finding yourself isolated and lonely, and without any women you can trust in your life, then you’re not alone.

Hi love, I’m Lumalia, a women’s retreat curator, beauty hunter, poet, boudoir photographer, and somatic wellness practitioner. For years, I was the woman who would say I get along with men better, but it was simply because I hadn’t experienced safe women in my life, and I had a living sister-wound with my own sister. I didn’t trust her or my own mother. Yet I craved being with women.

I spent most of my childhood at the homes of other women I felt good with. Women who had boundaries, women who said no, women who raised their voice when necessary, women who loved big and radically. Somewhere in me, I knew that to become the woman I desired to be, I had to surround myself with women who were sure of themselves, so I did just that.

My life has been forever changed by putting myself in the way of powerful women, including Dr. Chelsie Page and Chelsie Diane and all the incredible women we study in Poems and Power.

I’ve spent the past decade of my life rebuilding safety in my body and safety for when humans gather. I have this unique gift to create a space of profound celebration and presence that allows others to open, drop into their inner wisdom, and experience radical transformation, and that is why I lead women’s retreats and experiences.

When we confront our sister-wound, we open up the most precious gift for ourselves as women. So what happens when women gather, and why do they judge and mistrust women? Where did the sister’s wound even come from? Let’s dive in to explore the roots and the antidote.

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When Women Gather Healing The Sister Wound

When women gather, when you step into a women’s retreat, a women’s-only space, you find a sacred container unlike anything else. When women gather together, the layers of protection are more likely to unravel, it’s here the sister wound can heal. For most of humanity, women have been pitted against each other in competition and gossip. When a woman is around a man, she’s programmed to please him and hold his emotions and experiences. So, if you remove the energy that requires her to hide to protect herself,

the woman effortlessly becomes open.

Many will blame this on patriarchal programming, and that is true, we’re all programmed to keep ourselves safe and out of harm’s way of men, please him so he doesn’t harm you. And yes, many of us still have this programming in us and are sometimes even frightened of other powerful women because they can also feel like “predators” to us. However, when you really gather with the most powerful women, there is something you come to learn, they hold this mama bear energy, that she’ll go to battle for you in a way that is unlike anything you’ve experienced before.

Not only that, women have been shamed for being a woman who brings life. We’ve been a shame for having absolutely stunning bodies full of curves, shapes, weight, warmth, and moisture.

Let’s be honest. Even those descriptive words about a woman’s body might draw up deep feelings. It did me for a long time, too, until I started gathering with powerful, safe women regularly.

Why you need to go to a women’s retreat? Will it really heal The Sisterhood Wound?

When you go to a women’s retreat, you step into a deep biological remembrance and holy sanctuary of the power of when women gather, and isn’t that something all women want to experience, a deep remembering that they are divine?

Why do I feel judgment and mistrust women? Why does the sister wound exist?

Women have been programmed to mistrust and judge each other because the reality is that when we don’t, we are freaking powerful and free, which historically has been very threatening to men, thinking if women are free and powerful, we won’t need them. But that is the witch wound men also carry.

So here’s the truth: throughout history, women have been punished for being free. For being in their gifts, for being financially independent. Before the rise of the monotheistic god, the goddess was worshiped. (Check out When God Was a Woman for a deep dive into this).

This is a must read book for understanding why we have the Sisterhood Wound, the sister wound, in the first place. Here you’ll really get deep into the history of how before there was the patriarchy there really was a world full of women leading the world.

When more aggressive cultures came in to conquer and control larger groups of people, the woman was a threat. She became a servant and oppressed, but throughout most of history, people believed women were to be worshiped. And the beauty of the true woman is that she does not use that worship to leverage her own agenda. She uses it for all her people’s good, which is the truth of a true matriarch.

Yet during the witch burnings, women were killed for being Jewish, owning their own land, healing people with plants, and basically having some sense of autonomy that the church or the government couldn’t control. Most of us still fear being burned or “punished” for using our gifts to help others. It is written in a woman’s biology that says to use her gifts for the good of herself and others.

Yet when we step into our gifts, we have this deeply embedded fear that we will be put down for it. You can see it today to this day, even in the story of Brittney Spears, which is a perfect example. (Grab her memoir to read her story.) And maybe you noticed this in yourself too. When you get radically honest about your gifts and talents you bring to this world, it’s not just a fear of how powerful you are but also the fear you’ll get punished for being that good at something naturally. This is why it’s so important we gather as women and celebrate each other’s gifts, so we can finally begin to reprogram our biology.

Not only that, women are programmed to believe our bodies are bad. And our deepest truths come from when we are in tune with our bodies. If we are forced to push down our cycle’s natural flow with medications instead of understanding what exactly is happening to our body on a daily basis, knowing how to protect ourselves, and getting the option to choose, we are more powerful.

You take a woman’s right to decide what happens to her body, and you take away a lot of her power,

but not all of it.

When a woman stops hating her body, she understands her unique monthly rhythm and the superpowers in each part of her cycle.

When she knows her voice and trusts the words of deep inner knowing, she is a powerful being indeed.

A woman who trusts her body and deep inner knowing will establish boundaries. She will say no. She will not let men or anyone tell her who she is or what she can or cannot do. She will not please people because she doesn’t fear being threatened. She knows she doesn’t have to tolerate abuse or oppression; she has the ability and freedom to leave and build her life for herself.

That woman is unstoppable.

How do I know?

Because I am her.

(more on that in my book Blooming Upside Down.)

Healing the Sister Wound

When we surrender our beliefs that may have held a layer of protection for us (or modeled that we needed them culturally) or in the past, we can come to realize that this time, we get to choose how this part of the movie goes. When we see something magical unfold, we open ourselves up to new experiences.

When we say we have a sister wound and forever swear off women’s gatherings is the moment we stay stuck in a way reality “has to go” is when we are in a loop. Reality keeps repeating that pattern, confirming our bias and showing us we are right because, guess what, whatever we believe is always right.

Our biology is literally programmed to show us this. The moment we surrender that control is when we open ourselves up to the magical experiences many others talk about having but maybe you haven’t quite experienced yet.

Throughout my twenties, I really believed that I connected with men better than I did with women.

I always felt like women were angry, fighting with one another, shaming each other, and I found that, honestly, most men were sturdy in who they were, confident to talk about the things they were excited about in life instead of gossiping about other people or putting themselves down. I found the confidence of men delightful.

That was until I met confident women.

Women who believed in themselves.

Women who had dreams.

Women wouldn’t let anyone tell them who they were or what they should do.

When I met those women, women safe in their bodies, trusting that everything works out for their good, I fell madly in love. Soon, these women were the ones that I felt most at home with. They were the ones who had the capacity to hold themselves steady and also be a cheerleader like my heart always desired to do for others but rarely found in other people.

The reality is that it isn’t that you have a sisterhood wound; it’s that you have a human wound. A person not safe in their body, a person not confident in themselves, lashed out and hurt you, probably in a similar hurt you experienced, and that’s why it was so painful. Yet you don’t have to let these events and experiences dictate how you give permission to women to show up in the future.

When you learn to trust your intuition, your gut feelings, to truly believe in yourself, you’ll then have this filter that shows you who is someone you can trust, who is something you can lean into, and what capacity they have available to you, and the beauty of being human is that that doesn’t ever have to be one person.

For the love of us all in process, still growing in our capacity, let yourself love and be loved by many.

When Women Gather There is Pure Magic: The Medicine for the Sister Wound

You walk into a room of women deep in love with themselves and their lives, and something is radically different.

Here, women spill out adoration.

Here, women compliment you.

Here, women champion you on.

Here, women hold you the moment you feel any emotion.

Here, they hold your hand and run into the ocean with only one question asked:

“Will you come?”

She will say yes. She will wipe the tears from your eyes, kiss your cheek, hold you in your grief, and sing to you to calm your nervous system.

If you could imagine the divine mother, the perfect mother, or the best of friends, you would know that every woman has the capacity to be that without effort. She doesn’t need to try, she doesn’t need to be given instructions, and she needs radical permission to let these ancient practices written into her biology come out. And it’s here in sacred women’s spaces, women get to say yes to these instincts without feeling burdened, attached, or threatened.

The war was never against each other,

and it’s essential that we remember that.

There is no need to compete for who is better because a woman knows her unique imprint is enough. She knows that when she is in the presence of another woman, something holy and sacred is present; a mirror and a wisdom keeper are ready for her to witness and grow.

When women gather, not only do our biological systems sync up, but our entire beings come online, building an ancient circuit of creation, connection, and power that helps us tap into new layers of wisdom, unlike anything we’ve ever known.

So yes, you can stay in the belief of sisterhood wounds, in how humans have fallen prey to the belief that we have to fight against each other to succeed. You can stay in the belief that younger women are a threat. You can stay in the belief and past experiences, or you can choose to grieve those, surrender them, and ask, what if this time I believed every single woman I meet is a walking oracle—that is when the real magic happens.

Magic happens when women gather.

Ready to gather with women? Check out my women’s retreats to begin your journey back into your deep inner knowing.