Lumalia’s debut memoir, Blooming Upside Down, is out now!

Couple placing hands together after feeling disconnected in relationship in partnership

The Real Reason Your Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner

Feeling disconnected from your partner? First, I want you to know you’re not alone in feeling disconnected in your relationship. Many individuals feel disconnected from their partners in a world where loneliness and disconnection prevail. In a time and place when our earth is filled with the most humans, how many of us face pure loneliness in a way we haven’t ever experienced before? The pandemic shed light on how easily we could isolate ourselves further from each other and, most importantly ourselves. How easy it was to drown ourselves in anything that keeps us from feeling the pain we all so deeply face: loneliness. But what if feeling disconnection in relationships is merely a façade? What if the true source of your disconnection lies within yourself?

Hi beautiful friend, I’m Lumalia, a connection architect here at Celebrate Again. I’m here on a mission after spending decades lost in my own despair of chronic illnesses, in toxic relationships, disconnected from my partners, my body, and the earth, ready to share with you all I’ve learned and continue to learn as I lead myself back home, deep in connection with myself and others. Owning my own creative ability to create the world in which I exist. I cannot wait to share with you all I’ve learned. This is a short version of the lessons, for a deeper dive check out my memoir Blooming Upside Down: A Memoir on Healing from the Incurable

Table of Contents

Understanding The Feeling of Disconnection in Relationships

couple holding hands walking away trying to reconnect after feeling disconnected in their relationship

Feeling disconnected in a relationship is a common experience, but it’s essential to recognize that it’s doesn’t have to become normal. It can manifest as emotional distance, a lack of communication, feeling sexually disconnected from your partner, relationship problems, or feelings of loneliness and intimacy. The underlying causes of disconnection can vary, but the key factor often lies in feeling detached from oneself.

When we feel disconnected from ourselves, we cannot connect with others because we don’t even understand our own needs and desires, let alone how to communicate those. This can often lead to a lot of disappointment in relationships and a lack of desire to continue in them. 

I have done this often. The moment I feel distant in any relationship, I have to go in and question what it is that I’m not communicating with my needs and desires. What in me isn’t being witnessed that needs a voice?

Ready to discover the connection back to yourself? Take my free self-awareness quiz and get instant access to a customized road map. The free roadmap will include a particular journey for you to go on that will lead you to a greater connection with yourself and your partner. 

Here’s what other’s are saying after following the road maps I’ve created for them or in 1:1 work with me: 

“I was really struggling with a lack of connection between my partner and me. Once we started the sessions … We seem to satisfy each other’s needs far greater now. I think the individual session and homework were the most helpful. The whole experience has been wonderful, and I would highly recommend Lumalia.” – Peter Vancouver, BC

“My husband and I have been together for a long time, so we are always looking for new, fun and helpful ways to keep our relationship fresh! Lumalia helped me remember how it feels to be held by partner in a truly deep and meaningful way. I found the connection exercises extremely helpful…Her approach is calm, direct and open ended, allowing us to break down any preconceived expectations we may have.” – Canticle

“Through this work I felt very relaxed. I felt closer to my wife and a sense of intimacy that isn’t sexual.” – Jack

Feeling Disconnected From your Partner:
Signs of Emotional Disconnection in a Relationship

  1. Lack of communication: You constantly feel it’s hard to express yourself or state your needs.
  2. Absence of intimacy: physical touch and emotional connection can become rare or nonexistent, leaving both partners feeling distant and disconnected.
  3. Unresolved conflicts: Persistent unresolved conflicts create a sense of emotional distance and hinder the growth of emotional connection. It can often feel like walking on eggshells.
  4. Feeling alone even when together: You feel a sense of isolation and loneliness, even when in the presence of your partner.
  5. Decreased empathy and understanding: There is a noticeable decline in your ability to empathize and understand each other’s emotions and needs.
  6. Loss of shared interests: You and your partner no longer engage in shared activities or interests that once brought you closer together.
  7. Emotional avoidance: Both partners avoid discussing deeper emotions or personal vulnerabilities, leading to a surface-level relationship lacking emotional depth.
  8. Constant criticism and defensiveness: Negative communication patterns, such as constant criticism and defensiveness, create an emotional barrier and erode connection. Discover why you have these patterns by learning about self-love in relationships.
  9. Emotional neglect: One or both partners fail to meet each other’s clearly communicated emotional needs, leading to a growing sense of disconnection.
  10. Trust issues: A lack of trust or betrayal can severely damage an emotional connection and create an emotional distance between partners.
couple sitting by a river trying to reconnect after feeling disconnected in partnership

Feeling Disconnected From your Partner:
Signs of Disconnection in a Relationship

  1. Decreased quality time: Spending less time together and prioritizing other activities over nurturing relationships.
  2. Loss of interest and excitement: Feeling apathetic or disinterested in each other’s lives and no longer experiencing the excitement of being together.
  3. Lack of support: A noticeable absence of emotional support or understanding from your partner during challenging times.
  4. Avoidance of deep conversations: Shying away from discussing important topics or avoiding conversations that require vulnerability and emotional connection.
  5. Emotional volatility: Frequent arguments, emotional outbursts, or a constant state of tension indicating a disconnection in managing emotions.
  6. Increased focus on individual pursuits: Both partners prioritize their individual goals and interests, neglecting the shared connection.
  7. Absence of future plans: A lack of shared vision for the future, with little to no discussion or planning regarding long-term goals.
  8. Decreased physical affection: A decline in physical touch, such as hugging, kissing, or holding hands, which can reflect a loss of emotional connection.
  9. Indifference towards each other’s needs: Neglecting to meet each other’s needs or showing a lack of concern for the other person’s well-being.
  10. Feeling emotionally distant: A pervasive sense of emotional distance and detachment, as if you and your partner are living separate lives.

If You Notice Any Of These:  If you recognize several of these signs in your relationship, addressing them proactively is crucial to reconnect and restore the emotional bond you once shared. But it must start with understanding your own connection to yourself.

Not sure where to begin on connecting back with yourself or even what that means? I hear you, friend. (check out 4 ways you can get support now)

I used to be terrified of spending time alone with myself and deeply craved a connection with my partner so much that I felt like I couldn’t dare take time for myself, especially as a mama. (Listen to more of my story with self care as a mom.)

But the moment I did, something cracked open in me, and I discovered within myself was everything I wanted from my partner, along with a deeper ability to connect to them. 

Yet, it was just the beginning of my journey and one that was piecemealed because I couldn’t find the right resources in one place, which is why I created Celebrate Again and the self-awareness quiz that gives you direction on where to go next.

Take the self-awareness quiz to help you discover where you are at in your own journey to connect with yourself and others. Then get instant access to a customized road map with free classes on topics that will help you in all areas of your life. 

Or join me in 30 days of self-care that will make connecting with yourself fun.

3 Ideas to Reconnect with Your Partner Right Now

Play Video about "reconnect easily 3 simple ideas to connect with your partner" couple holding hands at sunset on mountain road overlaid with couple kissing

The Beauty of Our Internal Connections & Powers

Our bodies are intricate and fascinating entities. Within us exists an extraordinary abundance of energy emitted by our mitochondria, surpassing even the sun’s power. We comprise an astounding 70 trillion cells, working harmoniously to support our optimal functioning. These cells are influenced by our conscious state and are crucial in determining our growth and development.

If we can exist in such abundance within ourselves, how much more can we exist in abundance with others? It can feel complex and overwhelming in relationships sometimes, but most relationships are just a mirror for us to witness what is truly happening in our own internal world.

The Power of Becoming An Observer of Self

Despite our innate capacity for creation and self-realization, many of us find ourselves trapped in cycles of repetition, failing to tap into our full potential. We often overlook the fact that we are not just mere creatures; we are creators. We can invoke extraordinary creations, from delicious meals to human beings. Our creative potential extends to developing well-thought-out plans, sharing bite-sized pieces of information, creating music, and even bringing joy to others with a simple smile. However, we often focus on our perceived flaws when we look in the mirror, overlooking our inherent creative abilities.

We find ourselves stuck in repeating our lives and the voices we were given instead of seeing the full beauty of who we are as humans.

I’m here with you, friend. I forget daily who I am and my ability, but it’s my life’s mission to help us all remember we are not the stories we’ve been told. We can create new ones.

Listen and watch the talk I gave about building self awareness.

The Overflow of Aches and Longing: Curing Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner

While I wish the overflow of emotions within us were one of love, kindness, gentleness, or growth. Instead, when we are feeling disconnected from our partner, we are mostly in so much pain from past stories that it manifests as aches, longing, and internal battles. We harbor resentment towards our own words, isolate ourselves from our partners in shame when we make mistakes and struggle to be honest with ourselves and our loved ones. Burdened by distractions, we hope to alleviate our pain momentarily, but these diversions can never truly heal what we must address ourselves.

The Core of Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner

The truth is that feeling disconnected from your partner is a reflection of the disconnection you feel within yourself. This disconnection arises from various factors, including unresolved emotional trauma, unmet needs, and a lack of self-awareness. When we fail to address these internal struggles, our relationships suffer as a result.

To heal we must first learn to care for ourselves. Come join me in my 30 day self-care challenge for a fun place to begin.

Reconnecting with Yourself

It’s time to liberate ourselves from the pain we’ve endured and embrace the growth that awaits us. As creatures of evolution, we are inherently capable of transforming our lives. Recognizing the importance of reconnecting with ourselves can lay the foundation for rekindling love and strengthening the bonds within our relationships.

If you’re ready to take time to focus on yourself knowing it will help your relationship consider joining my 30 day self-care challenge or check out all the support you can jump into today.


Are you a fan of books? Check out my list of the best self improvement books to help you get started on your journey.

Overcoming Disconnection: Steps Towards Relationship Fulfillment

  1. Reflect on your emotions: Acknowledge and explore the feelings of disconnection you are experiencing, both within yourself and in your relationship.
  2. Seek self-awareness: Engage in self-reflection and introspection to identify the root causes of your disconnection.
  3. Communication is key: Openly and honestly communicate your feelings and desires with your partner, fostering a safe space for open dialogue.
  4. Seek professional guidance: Consider relationship counseling or therapy to gain valuable insights and tools for rebuilding trust and improving communication.
  5. Cultivate self-love and self-care: Prioritize your own well-being, nurturing a healthy relationship with yourself and creating a solid foundation for connection with your partner.
  6. Explore shared interests and activities: Engage in activities that foster connection and mutual enjoyment, allowing you and your partner to reconnect on a deeper level.
  7. Practice empathy and understanding: Cultivate a compassionate mindset, seeking to understand your partner’s perspective and emotions, and encouraging them to do the same.
  8. Prioritize quality time together: Dedicate focused time for meaningful interactions, free from distractions, and nourish your emotional connection.
  9. Foster intimacy: Explore ways to reignite physical and emotional intimacy, allowing vulnerability and trust to flourish.
  10. Embrace personal growth: Continuously work on personal growth and self-improvement as individuals and as a couple, fostering a shared journey of growth and evolution.
couple cuddling at a golden hour sunset after feeling disconnected in partnership

What's Next to heal disconnection?

Remember, the journey to overcoming disconnection in a relationship begins with reconnecting with yourself. By nurturing self-awareness, self-love, and self-growth, you pave the way for deeper emotional connections and fulfillment within your relationship.

Feeling disconnected in a relationship is not a fate to accept but a call to action. Understand that the real reason for this disconnection often stems from feeling disconnected from yourself. By embarking on a journey of self-discovery, open communication, and personal growth, you can rebuild the emotional bonds and create a relationship filled with connection, intimacy, and fulfillment. Embrace the transformative power of reconnecting with yourself and watch your relationship flourish with newfound depth and love.

I’ve never been more in love with myself than I am today. I’ve never felt safer in my body than I have today. And after facing generations of emotional and physical abuse from my family lineage, stuck in cycles of repeating, I’m here facing the sun bursting out of me, ready to radiate this reminder to us all. Where you feel stuck today is only the fear of change that every ounce of your human biology is calling you to step into.

So, are you ready to embark on this journey of reconnection and relationship fulfillment? Take the first step towards a more connected and fulfilling partnership.

Pick your flavor of exploration.

Get Reconnection Support Now

Reconnect As a Couple

Couples Connection Experience:

6 week program for couples looking to reconnect in community with Lumalia’s support.

In this 6 week journey we’ll dive into themes of Emotional Intimacy, Communication Skills, Physical Connection, Values, Alignment, Conflict Resolution, and Staying in Joy together using somatic techinuques and mind-body modalities that make connection a lot quicker than traditional conversations. 

Fall in love with your partner again, and connect in this unique experience in our couples connection experience.

Women's Wellness Experiences Summer 2024

Women’s Wellness Experiences in Portland, Oregon:

A summer camp like vibes where we bring wellness experiences outdoors with an intentional group of women.

Mini Women’s retreat-like experiences in eight different sessions during the summer, find out more about summer 2024 Women’s Retreat Oregon Wellness Experiences in Portland, Oregon


Women's Gathering Reconnection

Your Body As Poetry:

A low cost Mind-body connection monthly community gathering

Join Lumalia’s bi-monthly somatic journey, tailored for women and femme-identifying individuals, aimed at nurturing the mind-body connection.

Experience live online classes, accessible with replays, and engage in a supportive community.

Each session introduces new themes through beginner-friendly movement meditations—perfect for those who cherish dance and creative expression.

Ideal for anyone seeking community, movement, and a path to explore their creative self. Join Your Body As Poetry

Self Paced Personal Connection

Self Awareness Roadmaps:

– All Free

Customized roadmaps that include self-improvement lessons, nervous system regulation classes (yoga and meditations), journal prompts, and experiences to deepend your awareness.

Begin with my self-awareness quiz to find your roadmap. Then set your calendar for times to continue your journey.

Self Care Personal Reconnection

30 Day Self Care Challenge:

A toe dip to self care with a spicy twist, because we don’t do basic around here.

If you love challenges, plans and showing up to your calendar to dos you’ll love this series. 

It includes daily journal prompts, yoga flows, quick pep talks and optional inspired “dates” to take yourself on.

Begin with 30 days of self care


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About the Author

Lumalia standing near a coastline with her hair blowing in the wind

Hey, I’m Lumalia, the main voice behind Celebrate Again. I call myself a connection architect because I have a deep passion for guiding us all to fall back in love with life through states of beauty, but many of us are far from feeling at home in our own bodies, so we seek to find safety in others. 

Yikes, that’s scary, I know; I did that for three decades, too, until I returned home to myself.

I’m so excited to share with you all I’ve learned and this beautiful journey back home to what makes you absolutely stunning just because you are alive today.


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Spark Your Passion
Couples Workshop Replay

Replay from a couples workshop
that sold out 
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that are beginner friendly

These were beautiful and powerful exercises.”

“It’s helped build a deeper connection”

It's Time We Become Creators

Take our free self-awareness quiz to get your customized map to find where you can grow. 

Self Care That Makes You Wet

Join Lumalia’s 30-Day Self-Care Challenge beginning October 11, 2023.