When you question everything, and nothing feels right.
There are seasons in life when you start questioning everything.
Your work.
Your relationships.
The city you live in.
Even the beliefs you once built your life around.
Many people assume this means something is wrong.
But sometimes questioning everything is the moment your inner knowing begins to wake up.
This poem is about the years I had to question everything—and how those questions quietly saved my life.
Hi friend, I’m Lumalia, author, photographer, and experienced architect here at Celebrate Again: where questions are welcomed, and one of the greatest gifts we get to have as humans, to ask why.
This is a poem that will be featured in my next memoir. You can find my first one, Blooming Upside Down here
When Questioning Everything Becomes a Turning Point
Many people who begin questioning everything also go through periods of feeling lost in life.
There will be a time
more often than you’d like,
where you’ll want to keep questioning everything
because one day,
age 27,
you finally had to question everything
The diagnosis of forever sick
Your marriage you never thought you’d leave
Your faith you lost friendships to 1001 times over
The city you bought your first home in
Your hairstyle
The clothes you wear
Maybe even your own skin color, why if your ancestors are all English, do you tan so well
There may be too many days of worrying, you healed chronic illnesses, only to be afraid that the new lumps are cancer
Doctors will give you no answers
The wellness girlies with their mind-body psychosis analysis will also give you no answer
But something in you will know it won’t kill you
Because you already wrote that script
Death by laughing age 111
good and old
Still silly and giving no fucks
You started that early age 35
It’s why you married the love of your life when it didn’t make any sense.
Divorced for two seconds, but your soul knew from that day on, and every single day he was your husband, finally this time you could keep each other
Even when you keep questioning if you were too different
came from too different lifetimes and desires
But you’ll look in his hazel ocean eyes, press your lips against the marshmallows of his, and remember and remember
and remember on a Wednesday morning
On a Saturday afternoon
And all the times he makes you laugh
and stops to see the snails
after you just told a friend you fell in love with him for doing that
and you find him lagging behind on the trail because sure enough:
snail.
Yet you’ll spend too many days questioning if
If your job is right
Even after you pivot for the 100th time
Declare yourself a wellness practitioner
Declare you’re actually an artist
fuck healing
Declare you still believe in healing, and see how much we all still need it
Keep
take
Want to disappear
But still dance in the park because you secretly love strangers enjoying watching you
Feeling your life flow in circuit
You’ll learn boundaries and how to say no
But your body doesn’t always believe in them
You’ll want to fall in love with too many people
But you’ll keep choosing him
and call the rest friendships, strangers, other lifetimes
But there will come a day when you no longer need to question anything
because you’ll no longer be living for anyone but yourself
You’ll follow every wisdom drop like it were once your Bible
You trust every whisper of yes
Try this
Go here today
Say hi to them
Text her
Say the audacious thing
Get on a flight even when it doesn’t make sense
Say yes to the unthinkable
And over and over again
The questioning will die to the proof
that this life you finally learned
to listen
to follow the compass of your own damn voice
When Questioning Everything Leads You Back to Yourself
Questioning everything can feel overwhelming, terrifying, and downright like you’re losing your mind. But you’re not, you are just not settling for the life you were told to have, and that my friend is an incredible place to be!
But sometimes it’s the doorway to your deepest self-trust.
It’s the moment where the voices outside of you get quiet enough to finally hear the one inside.
Many of the essays where I explore these turning points live inside Luminosity Journal, where I write about intuition, embodiment, and the strange, beautiful moments where life asks us to begin again.
If this piece resonated with you, you can explore the Journal here.
When you Question Everything It’s good to know you’re not alone.
I’m here with you!
Curious how I healed from Chronic Illnesses read this essay here.
Or explore how I’m now able to take most pain and turn it into power and art.
And what I did when my first husband told me he no longer found me attractive.
Or how I worked with healing trauma and wisdom from my daughter
And kinda my weird favorite of how to handle it all when you just feel lost in life.
Finally, having a highly trained and qualified therapist is one of the most supportive things I ever done for myself. If you ever need support, I highly recommend reaching out to therapists! The Embody lab has an amazing resource of trauma-informed and body-centered therapists.
Questioning Everything in Life can feel heavy, but what if it felt freeing?
Slip your headphones on, zone out at the clouds, and let the parts of you that went offline come back alive inside my free secert podcast series.
A five-part short audio series that will have you laughing, on the edge of your seat, and letting parts of yourself finally feel the magic of living, again.
When you start questioning everything, the most important voice to hear again is your own.
Ready to explore your own voice? Your inner knowing is calling, jump into Listen, a 30-day meditation challenge experience, to remember the sound of your own inner knowing.
Reconnect to your Body’s wisdom
Culture says to push through, try harder, prove your worth, but what if you weren’t meant to push through? If you’re ready to reconnect with yourself, come explore the Back Home In Your Body workshop.
Explore all the Luminosity Journal Essays. Luminosity Journal is a collection of essays, reflections, and poems exploring intuition, embodiment, relationships, creativity, and the deeper questions of being alive.
Listening To Yourself & Self Trust:
Essays about trusting intuition, emotional awareness, and finding your own voice.
- Lumalia’s memoir Blooming Upside Down: A Memoir of Healing from the Incurable
- When you question everything & how it saved my life
- Feeling Lost in Life
- How to Feel Your Feelings
- How to Control Your Emotions
- Goodbye Good Girl: Healing Your Inner Child
→ Explore all Luminosity Journal essays
